Am I hungry enough? Would I truly be content to just gaze upon the beauty of the Lord? If I never heard His voice, never got a prophetic word, never had a dream, a vision, or even a picture...would I still want to seek Him? If meditating on the Word felt like eating sand and my words seemed to hit the ceiling...would I continue in my pursuit of Him? Am I really hungry for God or am I just saying it to seem radical or fit in?
Am I really hungry? How do I know? What is the proof? Am I content to sit outside the gates and simply listen to Him breathe? Am I content to worship daily without receiving anything from God in return? Am I content to pursue Him without hope of catching Him?
Am I content to live in the wilderness? Am I content to weep without hope of relief? Am I content with too little? Or do I ask too much?
I don't deserve more than Hell. I don't deserve to be clothed as a lily nor fed as a sparrow. Why then do I yearn for more? Why then am I not content with His provision and the honor of sitting in His presence? Why am I not satisfied with anything less than everything...the fullness of Him?
If I am so undeserving why then do I crave more? Do I need to stop asking? Am I a beggar or a daughter? Who am I that I should be called a daughter of the Most High God? How can I be satisfied with the mere pursuit of God and not the finding of Him?
Is it wrong to be envious of my brothers and sister? You speak to them! They have pictures, words, insights, revelation! They have dreams and visions! Why not me?
Though I deserve nothing but silence, I ask, "Abba, speak to me!" Though I deserve nothing but desert, I ask, "Abba, quench my thirst. Feed me bread from Your hand." Though I deserve nothing short of eternal separation, I ask,"Abba, show me Your glory! Show me Your face! Stare into my eyes until Your fire consumes me!"
How can I walk as a daughter if I can't hear Your voice?