Sunday, September 26, 2010

Answer to Prayer

Talk about a quick response to my prayer (last post)! I turned on the IHOP webstream (Awakening 9pm-midnight set) and it was like God blasted me.

First of all, it's not about me and my circumstances. (I know...shocker.) It's about HIM and HIS Glory and HIS Kingdom.

Second, He wants me to trust Him again even though my experience tells me not to, even though I don't know for certain that my husband is on the same page, even though it seems crazy. God wants me to set out in vulnerability and trust His Word. This is my act of His Glory!

Third, that His grace is sufficient to help me be and do all that He asks of me. That His strength truly is glorified in my weakness. Yes, I am weak, broken, and selfish but God wants to make me beautiful, meek, humble, righteous, pure, and holy. He wants to glorify Himself through my weak life. He wants me to totally, withholding nothing, give all of me to Him in full confidence that He loves me yet giving Him full permission to do with my life as HE pleases, not how I please or think things should be...even unto death, poverty, or pain...trusting His goodness and His wisdom are beyond my own.

Yes, Lord, may it be unto me as You have said. Teach me, try me, consume all my darkness...let me truly be like the moon reflecting the Son, coming out the desert leaning on You, my beloved. Create in me a clean and new heart, oh God, and create a steadfast spirit within me. Show me Your Glory!!!!! Let me know the burnings of Your heart. Let me be daily changed by You. I hunger and thirst after Your righteousness. Grant me increasing revelation of You! Guard and preserve these things in my heart. Let them not be taken from me. Seal them for Your Glory!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

My heart's cry

I don't understand You. I hate debt. You hate debt. You say that if we give our own bread to take care of the orphan, if we give til it hurts that You will still meet our needs. You say that the righteous will never beg for bread. So, where does that leave us? I hear people say that when they have given toward missions or the fatherless that God has never left them hanging. I have seen us in the negative, overdrawn, and in debt too often to say I've seen You provide and meet our needs. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I'm greedy. Maybe I'm blind to what You are doing. Maybe I've missed something? Maybe I'm not seeing the big picture and only paycheck to paycheck. Maybe I am not being a good steward of the resources You give us. What is it God? We need to see You move. And it needs to be big. I'm not kidding. Honestly? I don't know how to trust You and Your promises when I'm not seeing them play out in my life. I can feel my heart hardening. I can feel my faith evaporating. I weep because I can't feel You or sense Your Spirit. I'm lost in darkness, groping for the Light. I don't want to lose sight of You but I think it's too late. What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Am I lost forever? Am I stuck here, numb and despairing? Or is there a way out? I need You to come for me. I need You to fight for me. No one else will... You are my only hope. Please don't fail me...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Be holy as I am holy...

I Peter 1:14-17

14[Live] as children of obedience [to God]; do not conform yourselves to the evil desires [that governed you] in your former ignorance [when you did not know the requirements of the Gospel].

15But as the One Who called you is holy, you yourselves also be holy in all your conduct and manner of living.

16For it is written, You shall be holy, for I am holy.

17And if you call upon Him as [your] Father Who judges each one impartially according to what he does, [then] you should conduct yourselves with true reverence throughout the time of your temporary residence [on the earth, whether long or short].

Leviticus 11:44, 19:2 - this is where it is written "You shall be holy, for I am holy." It is in the middle of the law.

Vine's says that the word here is hagios which is not an attainment but a state into which God in grace calls us. We are called to wash ourselves in the Word in order to remain free from defilement, forsake sin, and live according to Christ's example. Hagios means more than pure, sacred, or worthy..."it is characteristically godlikeness." Wow! That explains "Be imitators of Christ" so much more richly. I think this means that I am to live a holy life, one that is in agreement with Christ.

So, the question remains - is holiness a process or an immediately acquired state upon accepting the salvation of Christ? Could it be both? We are made righteous upon receiving the gift of salvation, but are we made holy? I think we frequently confuse holiness with righteousness.

1 Corinthians 1:30 (Amplified Bible)

30But it is from Him that you have your life in Christ Jesus, Whom God made our Wisdom from God, [revealed to us a knowledge of the divine plan of salvation previously hidden, manifesting itself as] our Righteousness [thus making us upright and putting us in right standing with God], and our Consecration [making us pure and holy], and our Redemption [providing our ransom from eternal penalty for sin].

Consecration (holy) and righteousness are two different things. Righteousness is being brought into right relationship with God. How are we brought into right relationship? Romans 4 seems to say that faith exercised produces righteousness in our lives. Ok, so holiness is being pure and set apart unto God and righteousness is life lived in faith and unity with the heart of God.

So, the question still remains for me...if God consecrates us and gives us His righteousness then do we have to do anything or just receive and live? I don't know that I can say we just accept the gift and then just keep on going expecting to "naturally" do what's in God's heart, especially in light of verses like this one...

Daniel 11:33-35 (Amplified Bible)

33And they who are wise and understanding among the people shall instruct many and make them understand, though some [of them and their followers] shall fall by the sword and flame, by captivity and plunder, for many days.

34Now when they fall, they shall receive a little help. Many shall join themselves to them with flatteries and hypocrisies.

35And some of those who are wise, prudent, and understanding shall be weakened and fall, [thus, then, the insincere among the people will lose courage and become deserters. It will be a test] to refine, to purify, and to make those among [God's people] white, even to the time of the end, because it is yet for the time [God] appointed.

Still speaking of righteousness, let's throw in another wrench...

1 John 3:7-10

7 Little children, let no one deceive you. He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous. 8 He who sins is of the devil, for the devil has sinned from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. 9 Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God. 10 In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.

Ok, so now what? He who practices righteousness is righteous just as Christ is righteous. So, in walking out our faith daily we are practicing righteousness. Then v. 9 says whoever has been born of God DOES NOT SIN and CANNOT SIN. So, is does this mean we are already holy (pure, undefiled, godlikeness)? We cannot sin if we are in Christ yet we still must practice righteousness and are commanded to be holy.

So, the question remains - are we already holy & righteous or is it a process or is it both?

Monday, August 9, 2010

Diligence - Part 1

I'm on a journey into the heart of God. I've been asking Him some big questions b/c He really convicted me one night at IHOP-FW. He told me that the following verses applied to me:

Revelation 2: 1-7

1TO THE angel (messenger) of the assembly (church) in Ephesus write: These are the words of Him Who holds the seven stars [which are the messengers of the seven churches] in His right hand, Who goes about among the seven golden lampstands [which are the seven churches]:

2I know your industry and activities, laborious toil and trouble, and your patient endurance, and how you cannot tolerate wicked [men] and have tested and critically appraised those who call [themselves] apostles (special messengers of Christ) and yet are not, and have found them to be impostors and liars.

3I know you are enduring patiently and are bearing up for My name's sake, and you have not fainted or become exhausted or grown weary.

4But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love].

5Remember then from what heights you have fallen. Repent (change the inner man to meet God's will) and do the works you did previously [when first you knew the Lord], or else I will visit you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you change your mind and repent.

6Yet you have this [in your favor and to your credit]: you hate the works of the Nicolaitans [what they are doing as corrupters of the people], which I Myself also detest.

7He who is able to hear, let him listen to and give heed to what the Spirit says to the assemblies (churches). To him who overcomes (is victorious), I will grant to eat [of the fruit] of the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

I cried b/c I knew it to be true. I asked God how I got to this place. This place of hardness, where I don't feel anything, especially His presence. He showed me in verse 5 - "Remember the heights from which you have fallen." I remember the beautiful times I had with God in the prayer room before I had kids, the 6 am sets, the day long times with Him, the internship, etc. "do the things you did at first" - What did I do at first, Lord? He showed me that I was no longer regularly in His Word, that I no longer fast regularly, that I pray sporadically and selfishly. So, I asked Him for a hunger for His Word. I asked to hear His voice. I asked Him how He wanted me to fast and how He wanted me to pray.

The next day, I opened up my journal to rehearse the places I had been with God and what I had done at first. I looked at where my journaling stopped - Proverbs 31:10 so I decided to start there. Wow! I'll have to post just on that verse another time but the path it led me on is the point here.

Proverbs 31:10 (Amplified Bible)

10A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman--who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.

I glanced through the footnotes on Proverbs 31 and that lead me to 2 Peter 1:5-8.

2 Peter 1:5-8 (Amplified Bible)

5For this very reason, adding your diligence [to the divine promises], employ every effort in exercising your faith to develop virtue (excellence, resolution, Christian energy), and in [exercising] virtue [develop] knowledge (intelligence),

6And in [exercising] knowledge [develop] self-control, and in [exercising] self-control [develop] steadfastness (patience, endurance), and in [exercising] steadfastness [develop] godliness (piety),

7And in [exercising] godliness [develop] brotherly affection, and in [exercising] brotherly affection [develop] Christian love.

8For as these qualities are yours and increasingly abound in you, they will keep [you] from being idle or unfruitful unto the [full personal] knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

And I realized that some things I had never noticed before. One, in order to "add to"/"develop" a trait I needed to "exercise" the current trait. Talk about "working out your salvation with fear and trembling"! Secondly, I noticed that neither faith nor virtue were the first traits. I had always heard or read those to be the starting point. But they are not the starting point - diligence is. Diligence is where it all begins.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


There is an ache growing inside of me. I long for community. I long to be doing life in Christ with friends. I'm not talking about once or twice a week at a church service or prayer meeting. I'm tired of going to services where I come in greet friends, talk briefly perhaps, attempt to meet with God, then leave. Are we really going somewhere together? How can we pursue God in prayer or praise, how can we say we are corporately going after God when I barely have a relationship with the people in the room? How can we pursue God together if we are not doing life together? I'm talking intimacy here. Community is about being in each other's day to day stuff. I want to daily play, talk, praise, pray, worship, eat, laugh, love, and hang out with a group of people committed to the pursuit of Jesus, of one thing, of Psalm 27:4. I really long for this. Lord, I know this is your heart too. Please make this a reality in my life!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I must post this link...

Please read...but keep in mind that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Thursday, July 23, 2009's been a really long time...

Maybe I need to start a new blog...

I've been contemplating how much my life has changed since becoming a mother. In some ways good, in some ways that I don't like (to be honest). Not that I would change being a mother or exchange a day for anything, but sometimes I miss the time I had before, especially time with God, time in the prayer room, time with people. Maybe it's my lack of discipline, maybe it's laziness, maybe it's my self-consciousness about Aiden's every move, but I seem to find it impossible to engage in the prayer room, get out of the house, or enjoy God & His Word. It's frustrating. I don't remember it being quite as difficult last year as it has been this year. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse with the new baby coming. I just don't understand God...which I know is normal and not a bad thing but sometimes it's enfuriating! He's given me assignments, dreams, knowings...and yet in doing them I seem to not just lose me (which is fine) but I risk losing Him. I don't like that. I don't like that. I really miss Him right now and I feel helpless to do anything about it. The Word is dry and He feels distant. Or is it me? Probably. So I keep going...plugging what? Without oil is anything worth it?