Tuesday, April 3, 2007

My Heart is Full

It's hard to get back into the habit of blogging when I haven't done any in a month and a half!

My heart is so full and wants to speak yet I cannot seem to put into words all that I'm feeling. The Lord has been teaching me so much. As I went through the Divine Experiment I didn't really think anything was changing in me or that big things were happening. Now that it's over I am starting to see the fruit of it in my life. It's amazing! My appetite has changed. Monte shared that he began to look up "delight" because the psalmist often says to delight yourself in the Lord. He came up with this revelation: The Lord must be my most exquisite pleasure, the delicacy that my palate craves. I'm so there...that's what I want and I'm getting a small taste...but oh is it sweet! I kept asking the Lord during the fast to clean out His temple, get rid of all my idols, violently extract the world from my heart...and He's doing it! I have no desire to shop, it actually bores me to some extent. I'm not worrying about money (though I have had to repeat over and over again "Lord, I trust You. Your ways are not my ways.") but focusing on understanding giving in the Word. I'm learning to be still too. The hardest thing about learning stillness is to find the balance between stillness and idleness. I'm hoping I can keep from re-addicting myself to the Internet though. That's going to be rough...at least looking at the screen to long still makes me nauseous and gives me a headache! yeah! :o) He's tenderizing my heart and I'm loving it! His Presence was so sweet this morning...but I also have a hunch that He's luring me into the wilderness again. I want to get to the point where I seek out the wilderness like the Shulammite in SOS 7:11 or David in Psalm 55:6-7 or Israel in Jer. 31:2 (Message: "They found grace out in the desert, these people who survived the killing. Israel, out looking for a place to rest, met God out looking for them!") Where I long to meet the Lord there. I still have a little fear of it but I know coming out the other side will be glorious! (Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover?)