Please read...but keep in mind that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
http://www.morningstarministries.org/Publisher/Article.aspx?ID=1000054411
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wow...it's been a really long time...
Maybe I need to start a new blog...
I've been contemplating how much my life has changed since becoming a mother. In some ways good, in some ways that I don't like (to be honest). Not that I would change being a mother or exchange a day for anything, but sometimes I miss the time I had before, especially time with God, time in the prayer room, time with people. Maybe it's my lack of discipline, maybe it's laziness, maybe it's my self-consciousness about Aiden's every move, but I seem to find it impossible to engage in the prayer room, get out of the house, or enjoy God & His Word. It's frustrating. I don't remember it being quite as difficult last year as it has been this year. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse with the new baby coming. I just don't understand God...which I know is normal and not a bad thing but sometimes it's enfuriating! He's given me assignments, dreams, knowings...and yet in doing them I seem to not just lose me (which is fine) but I risk losing Him. I don't like that. I don't like that. I really miss Him right now and I feel helpless to do anything about it. The Word is dry and He feels distant. Or is it me? Probably. So I keep going...plugging away...at what? Without oil is anything worth it?
I've been contemplating how much my life has changed since becoming a mother. In some ways good, in some ways that I don't like (to be honest). Not that I would change being a mother or exchange a day for anything, but sometimes I miss the time I had before, especially time with God, time in the prayer room, time with people. Maybe it's my lack of discipline, maybe it's laziness, maybe it's my self-consciousness about Aiden's every move, but I seem to find it impossible to engage in the prayer room, get out of the house, or enjoy God & His Word. It's frustrating. I don't remember it being quite as difficult last year as it has been this year. I'm hoping it doesn't get worse with the new baby coming. I just don't understand God...which I know is normal and not a bad thing but sometimes it's enfuriating! He's given me assignments, dreams, knowings...and yet in doing them I seem to not just lose me (which is fine) but I risk losing Him. I don't like that. I don't like that. I really miss Him right now and I feel helpless to do anything about it. The Word is dry and He feels distant. Or is it me? Probably. So I keep going...plugging away...at what? Without oil is anything worth it?
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