Cliff-jumping anyone?

So we are officially at the edge of the cliff. Now, the question is whether or not we know what we are jumping into. Is Jehovah Jireh going to catch us or are we missing Him? I suppose we will find out soon enough...

Lord, grant us wisdom to trust & see the next step...even if all You say is "jump"...we need a "thus saith the Lord" or the financial support in order to confirm that the time is now. Grant wisdom! Have mercy on this dumb sheep and make Your voice clear and Your will known!

longings of my heart...

Daddy, I long to be in Your house of prayer but it seems like such a daunting task. Sometimes it seems impossible and sometimes I even doubt that we will ever be Levites. I know that You are Jehovah Jireh, I know that You are sovereign, I know that You have perfect timing...but somehow in the waiting I begin to wonder if I heard You correctly. I love you, Lord. I long to be with You in Your house. I don't know how to do that with children and so few IHOP hours. Show me, Lord...You alone are wise. Teach me Your ways...oh, how I long for Your Word!

Resurrection Power

Am I crazy to believe that God will raise Luke from the dead? ...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection...(Philippians 3:10)

1. Jairus' daughter (Luke 8:49-55)
2. Lazarus ( John 11:43,44)
3. Dorcas (Acts 9:37-40)

Do it again, God!!!

The Encourager

I love Jesus! He always finds ways to encourage me. He truly is the lifter of my head. I love that even when I can't get to His word, He just brings other people to speak encouragement over me. It's a beautiful thing...definitely helps to fight off the attacks of the enemy when you can stand in your eternal identity! :o)

Battling Loneliness & Heaviness

No one ever told me that motherhood was a battle against loneliness & heaviness every day. No one ever told me that I would have to battle sleepiness in order to spend time with Jehovah each day and that would lose that battle nearly every time. No one ever told me that I would be willing to sacrifice my happiness for my little someone's sake. Lord, I can't do this without You. I don't want to do this without You. I miss You terribly...

People of Onething

So, we say it all the time... I want to be a person of One Thing...just like David. But what does that really mean? What does that really look like? Tamara and I were talking today about this very topic and frankly my flesh is scared of living this lifestyle. My heart longs for it but how do I tame my flesh? My heart says, "give until it hurts" (like Jesus commands in the Sermon on the Mount) but my flesh says, "but how will I pay my bills & feed my family"...so I pay my bills, buy groceries and wonder why I never have enough left over to give. My heart says, "die to self" but my flesh says, "then who will take care of your needs? who will put food on the table? don't you have the right to the things you want/need?"...so I focus on my own provision and wonder why I never have enough. My heart says, "serve others" but my flesh says, "what about my needs?"...so I do Children's Ministry but resent in my heart that I can't attend service b/c of my son's needs. My heart says, "fast, pray, and, read the Word, and gaze upon the beauty of the Lord in His temple" but my flesh says, "how do I possibly have time for all of these things when I have laundry, cleaning, dishes, errands, phone calls, .... to do? how do I fast when I have a baby to feed? It's just too much hassle."...so I continue to not start off my day in prayer and God-gazing and yet I wonder why I seem to never get enough done? Frankly, from what I'm seeing in my own words/thoughts is a need for an attitude adjustment. Jesus never said that the Kingdom of Heaven was all about me...actually it's all about Him. So, why then am I so focused on my own little world/kingdom? (As MercyMe puts it, "How can I further Your Kingdom when I'm so wrapped up in mine?") I want to be focused on what is on God's heart. I want to pursue the Kingdom. I want to focus on others, not myself. How do I put these desires into action? What does it look like to be a person of One Thing? How do I live this life? Is it living by the Voice of God? If so, how do I know who I'm hearing? Yes, I know Kirk would say "Practice" but that involves making mistakes...am I ready to accept those consequences, especially how they effect my family? Sometimes I just feel lost in the woods in a thick fog...no idea where I'm supposed to go and how I'm supposed to get there. ::sigh:: Any ideas?...

Time flies

I can't believe I haven't written since August! It feels like everything is just flying by and I can't grasp onto anything. I don't have time to get anything done besides caring for Aiden. I'm lucky if I get a shower! I don't know how people do it. I really don't. I'm hoping it gets easier... at least slightly so I'm not living in a disaster zone. I realize now how much I could have gotten done in the last 9 months before baby came. It's been a real eye-opener to how lazy I've been. Now that I want to remedy that I feel like I can't. I know there's a way though. I'll figure it out sooner or later. I've been feeling sorry for myself too much too. I really want to be back in the prayer room and doing the 6am set and Friday nights. I miss singing and I miss the prayer room. I can't figure out what this is all going to look like for me and I feel quite far from the Lord at present. I try to pray at home and it feels foreign and empty. I don't know what I need but I do know it involves encounter with God that's deep. This time is definitely not what I thought it would be. I love my son and I wouldn't trade motherhood for the world but I definitely wasn't prepared for the spiritual emptiness and emotional drain that I've been experiencing daily. God, my God, I cry out...your beloved needs You now...

THE Shulamite

2 I sleep, but my heart is awake;
It is the voice of my beloved!
He knocks, saying,

“ Open for me, my sister, my love,
My dove, my perfect one;
For my head is covered with dew,
My locks with the drops of the night.”
3 I have taken off my robe;
How can I put it on again?
I have washed my feet;
How can I defile them?
4 My beloved put his hand
By the latch of the door,
And my heart yearned for him.
5 I arose to open for my beloved,
And my hands dripped with myrrh,
My fingers with liquid myrrh,
On the handles of the lock.
6 I opened for my beloved,
But my beloved had turned away and was gone.
My heart leaped up when he spoke.
I sought him, but I could not find him;
I called him, but he gave me no answer.
7 The watchmen who went about the city found me.
They struck me, they wounded me;
The keepers of the walls
Took my veil away from me.
8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
If you find my beloved,
That you tell him I am lovesick!