provision quandries

sacrifice...

we should never have gone to the resale...or at least not bought all the toys and esp. the bike trailer...

we need to stay within our means not make the numbers reflect our current usage like gasoline...can i walk more? maybe the bike trailer will come in handy after all...

do i need to get a job? how can i make more money doing what i am currently doing or have training to do without having to pay for childcare?...

what about IHOP? i so want to be a part and i can't even seem to do part-time hours at the moment...

what can we sell or donate that will free us from debt?...

i feel like all i do is whine to You about all my financial woes. how do i live in a financially responsible fashion without that being my entire focus? how do i not let the financial issues get me down? how do i live in a place of trust that you will take care of things? when i mess up financially i suffer the consequences so i just need to learn from my mistakes and not let them get me down. i know change comes slowly but i just don't know what to do next. i feel so lost and befuddled. i just want to sit down and cry but i'm not sure that would help anything. my secondary reaction is to seek out a solution. what can i do to change things? should i get a job? though that makes financial sense on some levels i really don't feel like i'm supposed to be working outside the home. i feel my place is here yet i have no idea how to deal with the pressures from others who do not understand why i refuse to seek traditional employment. what if i pursued the dreams of my heart instead of what others told me to do. what if i work my ouaf business, work part-time in IHOP-FW, teach spanish at home (maybe even do some translation on the side), cultivate my abilities as a speaker, have lots of babies :o), and maybe even begin to write...what if i pursued those things...what would happen?

and this money business...what if this is just a momentary thing that we should not be depressed about but see it as a continual learning experience. what if that is the secret to an eternal perspective...instead of whining (navel-gazing) perhaps the eternal perspective would say "ok, so that didn't/doesn't work, let's try this..." is it merely a question of attitude? is it choosing joy and eternal glory instead of whining and complaining about how the money isn't there so i can't pursue what i want to pursue. is my attitude my own worst enemy? is it really that simple?

Adventures in Joel 2

Ok. So, I haven't been sleeping well/much and one night I said "Ok, God. If you want me up then what do you want me to do?" Joel 2 blazed on my heart so I decided to read Joel and see what I would see. What stood out to me were Joel 1:9 & 13 & Joel 2:14 & 19. These deal with the grain offering and the drink offering. I just found it interesting that Joel 1 talks about lamenting b/c there is no grain offering or drink offering; but what really caught my eye was Joel 2:14. How many times have I heard this quoted but it has never been quoted in full.

14 Who knows if He will turn and relent,
And leave a blessing behind Him—
A grain offering and a drink offering
For the LORD your God?

That these offerings would be THE blessing left behind makes them more significant than just provision. So, I started looking up what are these offerings about. There's a lot of cool stuff I found in Leviticus (yes, Leviticus) but the daily offering section in Exodus was the kicker. Listen to this. Every day in the morning the priest would offer a lamb (burnt offering - ola). With that burnt offering he would break the grain offering in half and offer half the grain plus a drink offerings to the Lord. Then in the evening he would offer another lamb, the other half of the grain offering and a drink offering. This is communion! This is Jesus death on the cross! This is Passover! Jesus said "Do this as often as you do, in remembrance of me." They did it every day!!! Twice a day!!! Plus think of the significance! He is inviting all of Israel (& us) into intimacy with Him every day! The blessing He says would be the most amazing gift (back up to the verse) is this offering... If we seek Him and His mercy then instead of judgement He will leave the blessing of His MANIFEST PRESENCE, intimacy with Adonai (Our Creator)...REVIVAL!!!

Oh, Jesus, the beauty of your love & mercy that you would respond to your priests who weep for a nation between porch and altar...that you would respond by revoking judgement and pouring out revival! Thank You, Lord, that this is not logical to me! Thank you for the most beautiful gift of all - YOU! I love you, Jesus, and long for Your Shekinah glory to manifest in our city, our nation! Come, Lord Jesus!

Fighting flesh

I hate laziness. So, I really hate that I am so lazy! God is really insisting lately that I need to be deliberate and dependable. I need to do what I say I am going to do when I say I am going to do it. That is incredibly difficult. I also blame a lot of my inability to get things done on Aiden...which is sometimes warranted but not nearly as often as I use that excuse. So, in front of all my blogging friends, I am making this committment to do what I say I am going to do when I say I am going to do it. I asked the Lord to make me dependable and industrious. I guess He is answering with a cattle prod :o) I need this or I will never be in the prayer room or even seek the Lord in my own home. I need Him...I want to be selfish about my time with Him! I am shaking of the sleepiness and stepping into purpose. Oh, Jesus, help me!

Cliff-jumping anyone?

So we are officially at the edge of the cliff. Now, the question is whether or not we know what we are jumping into. Is Jehovah Jireh going to catch us or are we missing Him? I suppose we will find out soon enough...

Lord, grant us wisdom to trust & see the next step...even if all You say is "jump"...we need a "thus saith the Lord" or the financial support in order to confirm that the time is now. Grant wisdom! Have mercy on this dumb sheep and make Your voice clear and Your will known!

longings of my heart...

Daddy, I long to be in Your house of prayer but it seems like such a daunting task. Sometimes it seems impossible and sometimes I even doubt that we will ever be Levites. I know that You are Jehovah Jireh, I know that You are sovereign, I know that You have perfect timing...but somehow in the waiting I begin to wonder if I heard You correctly. I love you, Lord. I long to be with You in Your house. I don't know how to do that with children and so few IHOP hours. Show me, Lord...You alone are wise. Teach me Your ways...oh, how I long for Your Word!

Resurrection Power

Am I crazy to believe that God will raise Luke from the dead? ...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection...(Philippians 3:10)

1. Jairus' daughter (Luke 8:49-55)
2. Lazarus ( John 11:43,44)
3. Dorcas (Acts 9:37-40)

Do it again, God!!!

The Encourager

I love Jesus! He always finds ways to encourage me. He truly is the lifter of my head. I love that even when I can't get to His word, He just brings other people to speak encouragement over me. It's a beautiful thing...definitely helps to fight off the attacks of the enemy when you can stand in your eternal identity! :o)